Step back and take a look at what you've done. What you've said. Was it important? Was it valuable? Worth it? How can we stop ourselves from making these continuous mistakes?
I'm sorry I lied again. I apologize for falling under pressure. I see myself now and what I did wrong. Say nothing! Speak! Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut. My tracks were laid, but I took a left. I thought it was such a grand idea! I saw myself as taking control of the situation. How wrong I was. My ego nonetheless puffed out as others went along. I kept lying to the reflection staring patiently. The yearning for truth, stuck to her face brought me to my feet. I cannot bear it any longer. She wails silently and waits patiently. I owe it to her. I owe it to myself to stop the stories.
Always double check your words before they escape.
I am perturbed by my actions. They were cruel. Disheartening. Irrational. Rushed. Self-imposed. The lies comforted me. They swaddled my cold body and serenaded me to sleep. They were my comrades when no one wanted me. The lies fed my hunger for security. I kept running. Sprinting for the dark corner where my lies squeezed me tight and told me how awesome I was. The point where two walls met began to mold. A squishy, moist friend building its filth. Spreading right, left, up and down. Little droplets of secretion stuck to my fingerprints. Minuscule thick hairs sprouted from the droplets. A patch of dead grass prodding out my dermis layer. These were my friends. My family. The ones who cared. The ones who loved. But then the reflection had enough. She tore herself out of the mirror and ripped me from the dark corner. My home. I kicked and screamed, scratched at her innocent skin. Her patience had thinned out.
"Stop it! Get a hold of yourself!" she yelled.
I shook ferociously under her clenched hands digging into the spaces between my shoulder blades.
"Okay," I cried.
I owed it to her. I owed it to myself.
So I stopped.
Three hours of nothing but whispers
Deep nothing but darkness
Light nothing but the “street” lamp outside
Showers of shadows
Stomach growling like a hungry beast
I’m lost, Jesus.
I just want to sleep
Not roam the thoughts in my head once more.
The empty thoughts of nothing.
Nothing to nothing.
Headfirst into dreamland into a zone that lasts for only a few seconds.
Scenes of fantasy, realistic fantasy in a mind too often plagued by wonder.
A call to adventure, a subconscious call on a journey not too far.
All I have to do is close my eyes and drift to sleep…
But sleep never comes quickly enough! It never does!
It prods and teases me with laughter so bittersweet.
1 am still awake.
Darkness looms with flits of light through the illuminated blinds.
A fan turns into a spider with five legs and three eyes pinned on me.
The sliding mirror, partially hidden by a shelf.
Insomnia knocks on my door. “Do not enter,” I say.
She does anyway.
She cackles in my ear for minutes, an hour, and a couple of hours.
It’s a game to her.
She lets me fight the dragons in my subconscious adventure, awakening me when I’m about to slay the beast.
Waterfalls of sunshine splash onto my face.
The once illuminated blinds turn bland, the spider transforms back into a fan and the mirror revolves back to reality.
It’s 6-somehing in the morning...
On spring break.
Insomnia sings a hollow tune of mockery.
Day dreams arrive on cue to save me from boredom.
The whirring of a saw continuously distracts the fake life in my mind.
When will this end?
One day I found a way to keep Insomnia at Bay.
She seems to be destroyed by a full stomach.
Though that didn’t last long.
“You can’t hide from me,” she snarls. “I’m attached to you like a kidney.”
The steam rises to the sky
Like a charging knight
Running, there is nowhere to hide
Only forward to the impending fight
The sun watches in haste
The wind screams to no avail
The clouds cry at their resilience
The trees swinging to help
They see the fear drowning their irises
Their lives flashes before their very eyes
Bodies shivering and shaking like a bad virus
Then in the air, just as the steam dissipates, a sword flies
Dreams long forgotten
Hopes long lost
A blood vow given without consent
A binding promise they will break
It was something they never meant,
To give themselves up for auction for take
These ashes were a person
These bones were a living being
These pieces were whole
These tears were shed
Now you are decimated to a canister
Your existence formed into a necklace
A name hanging limply on a banister
A bouquet of flowers in a colorful vase
To commemorate you
To remember you
To have you
To be once again, with you
Above my heart
Is a start
To remember that
We are not too far apart
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