What I See

“Who do you think I am,” she hisses. “Huh, what you see when you look at me?” My childhood friend, Shelly stares back at me with tears streaming down her face.

​"I see a sad girl who has yet to find a friend to tell her the truth," I say fiercely, "I see a sad girl who has yet to find someone to tell her what she’s doing wrong. I see a sad girl who has yet to find who she's looking for. When I look at you I see heartbreak." I whisper my voice breaking. This is not the Shelly I once knew. We have been friends since kindergarten when I spilled grape juice on my shirt and she lent me her jacket. Fast forward ten years, Shelly has found a group of friends to hang out with. It's not that I'm jealous of her being with them, it's what they do. Delilah and her posse are troublemakers wreaking havoc in our small town. Everyone knows to stay away from them, but for some reason Shelly wanted to join their group.

“Well I’m sorry that I can’t be Miss Perfect like you,” she says walking away.

“You don’t need to be perfect! Hanging around with Delilah and her gang isn't helping you. Stealing and beating up innocent people, Shelly that's not you,” I say, going after her. The wind whips through our hair. 

“Well maybe that Shelly is gone, Meghan.” She runs off and I’m there standing on the sidewalk as drops of rain fall from the dark clouds.

"She's in there somewhere, and I intend on finding her!" I scream after her. She's running away from her problems. This is not the way to live.

It's been 3 days since that fight. I decide to call her sister Maya and see if she's okay.

"Hey, its Meghan, I’m looking for Shelly." I settle in the couch in our living room. There’s a pause.

"Shelly is not here," she murmurs. There's something wrong with her voice.

"Well, where is she?"

There's another pause before Maya says, "She's dead." There’s a silence, as I take in, what Maya just
said. My mom passes by holding a basket of laundry not noticing the blankness covering my face.

Dead? As in not living?

I should have called her before. I'm too late. I feel like my heart just broke. My mind stops. I can’t breathe. I drop the phone and fall onto the ground, my living room becoming a blur. Realization dawns on me. She's gone…

---