Am I?

​Am I
 
Chosen as the one to fight, the one to defend everyone else,
Chosen as the one to hide, the one to leave everyone else
Warriors and cowards
High horses and little piglets
They ran to find me hidden under a rock minding my own business
They put an armor of courage on me,
It only dragged lower into the depths of which I ascended from
I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen
I tried to yell, but they squeezed a helmet over my pounding head
I tried to stop them, but they shoved a shield into my sweaty unsteady hands
My legs shook with fear, gripped with the reality of my mortality
In a place of confusion
Limbs and metal
Obedient anger
I can’t bear to look
When they can’t bear to see
Because to see is to know that what you believed in was a lie
Careless pummels
Bare knuckles
Every turn is another way deeper down the path
Just a puppet to do their dirty work
And to hide it they call us “warriors”
I’m no warrior
I’m a coward
I’ll hide if it means choosing knowledge
I’ll hide if it means not killing recklessly
I’ll hide if it means I get to live another day
So no, I won’t fight
I won’t bite
These hands weren’t made for combat
These legs weren’t made for chase
This brain doesn’t need washing
Our lives are more valuable than how much we can punish our physical bodies
How much we can push our mentalities
One punch
Lethal
Damaged goods we become
Dependent we become
One word
Dangerous
Traitors we are called
Hostile we are called
“Left! Right! Left!”
So instead we walk
We follow
We heave ho to the end
Oh such pity
As the crowd cheers for our victory
Our death
A victorious sacrifice
We march ahead thinking this is the end
No this is the purpose
No this is the easy way out
No I
No
Conflicts fighting within us
How are we supposed to feel
We know it’s wrong
But think it’s right
It might be right
It has to be
Right
Why else would they throw us into a pit
Why else would our families cheer
Is it murder
Suicide
Or
Bravery
Courageous
Am I
A warrior?
A beast?
A lion?
Am I a force to be reckoned with?
Someone who fought to save others
Or am I a pawn in this game
A game with real-life consequences no one seems to care for
No one seems to think twice about
Am I that disposable
Am I
I am.
A question turns into affirmation