Disorderly Thoughts by ​​Abigail Akyiaw
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             “I am an invisible man...I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.” -Ralph Ellison (Invisible Man)                                                          

1/25/2018 0 Comments

Am I?

​Am I
 
Chosen as the one to fight, the one to defend everyone else,
Chosen as the one to hide, the one to leave everyone else
Warriors and cowards
High horses and little piglets
They ran to find me hidden under a rock minding my own business
They put an armor of courage on me,
It only dragged lower into the depths of which I ascended from
I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen
I tried to yell, but they squeezed a helmet over my pounding head
I tried to stop them, but they shoved a shield into my sweaty unsteady hands
My legs shook with fear, gripped with the reality of my mortality
In a place of confusion
Limbs and metal
Obedient anger
I can’t bear to look
When they can’t bear to see
Because to see is to know that what you believed in was a lie
Careless pummels
Bare knuckles
Every turn is another way deeper down the path
Just a puppet to do their dirty work
And to hide it they call us “warriors”
I’m no warrior
I’m a coward
I’ll hide if it means choosing knowledge
I’ll hide if it means not killing recklessly
I’ll hide if it means I get to live another day
So no, I won’t fight
I won’t bite
These hands weren’t made for combat
These legs weren’t made for chase
This brain doesn’t need washing
Our lives are more valuable than how much we can punish our physical bodies
How much we can push our mentalities
One punch
Lethal
Damaged goods we become
Dependent we become
One word
Dangerous
Traitors we are called
Hostile we are called
“Left! Right! Left!”
So instead we walk
We follow
We heave ho to the end
Oh such pity
As the crowd cheers for our victory
Our death
A victorious sacrifice
We march ahead thinking this is the end
No this is the purpose
No this is the easy way out
No I
No
Conflicts fighting within us
How are we supposed to feel
We know it’s wrong
But think it’s right
It might be right
It has to be
Right
Why else would they throw us into a pit
Why else would our families cheer
Is it murder
Suicide
Or
Bravery
Courageous
Am I
A warrior?
A beast?
A lion?
Am I a force to be reckoned with?
Someone who fought to save others
Or am I a pawn in this game
A game with real-life consequences no one seems to care for
No one seems to think twice about
Am I that disposable
Am I
I am.
A question turns into affirmation
 
 
 
 
 
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1/18/2018 0 Comments

Basketball Moves

​They hip and
They hop,
They skip, and
 They stop.
A dribble here,
A dribble there,
Pass,
Step,
Shoot,
Swish!
Like the beautiful sound of the wind passing by.
The players play like bees and flies.
Jump shot,
Foul
One make
One miss
50% of quality
Off the rim, too bouncy.
A player gets paid,
Whether he’s on the court
Or on the bench,
His cheers are worth each basket one makes.
It’s not about the money,
It’s about the game.
The tragedy of winning,
The chance of fame.
Be a hero,
Be star,
Be the best basketball player,
That you are.
 
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1/11/2018 0 Comments

Bleeding Hearts

​So I cried today.
And I’ll probably cry tomorrow,
And the next day.
 
Why?
 
Because my heart bleeds,
It bleeds because of the pain.
From the hurtful stares,
And the ugly glares.
 
Whom?
 
Everyone, everywhere I go,
The look is stained on all their faces.
So my heart bleeds, and I cry,
And cry, until there’s nothing left in my heart.
 
 
 
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1/4/2018 0 Comments

Caterpillar

​There's a girl sitting in her apartment weeping
All the hurt in her heart is deepening
No one to turn to,
No one to turn to.
 
She feels lost in the world
Searching for her long-lost love.
It may seem like she has the good life,
Sitting in her New York apartment;
All the money in the world.
 
All she wants to do is fit in,
All she wants to do is to be liked,
For who she really is.
No one understands what she wants,
All she wants to do is be free.
 
She's like a caterpillar in the trees
Waiting to spread her wings and fly out high into the sky.
Sitting in that cocoon waiting to transform
Into the most beautiful thing in the world.
 
Her wings glistening in the sun,
Feeling like she could do anything.
Turn into a butterfly and soar out high.
Leave that old life behind.
She's waiting for her chance to escape into the world of freedom.
Locked behind those gates for so long,
Finally thinking she can do it.
Break those gates open and smell the roses
As they turn up to the sun and shine.
 
She's like a caterpillar in the trees
Waiting to spread her wings and fly out high into the sky.
Sitting in that cocoon waiting to transform
Into the most beautiful thing in the world.
 
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1/4/2018 0 Comments

Life Still Goes On

​ Since life still goes on
I gotta pick up my feet,
And dust off my boots.
 
There’s land out there waiting,
Waiting for me,
Waiting for me to get back up on my feet.
 
Since life still goes on,
I gotta see the waterfalls,
And the trees turning green.
 
There’s land out there waiting,
Waiting for me,
Waiting for me to get back up on my feet.
 
Someday, I'll be free,
Someday, I'll be free
But right now I gotta get up,
Oh yes I gotta get up.
 
Because there's a land out there waiting,
Waiting for me,
Waiting for me to be free.
 
 
 
 
 
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