Nightly doses

​Some impressions aren’t deep enough to see. Possessions only last if taken care of, but you treated me poorly. Being bad is better than being loyal to someone you supposedly care for. It’s the worst to know I don’t need you, but I crave the heat created by the aura of your stature. In the morning I curse Fudge, seeing the smoke slip out my lips, past the drowning tears, up into the air to disappear like my fallen hopes. I try to cut the ties, but end up snipping pieces of myself instead. Next year I pray not to be here, but when next year comes, I will still be here. It's a shame. It's a damn shame to not go anywhere. It's a shame to hope knowing.... no, it's always too painful to doubt. Living is only worth it when you have something to keep breathing for, cause you know, loving yourself doesn't mean anything anymore.