Check your back pocket for the note I left you
There’s a rose on the bottom
A red rose
I just had to get some things off my chest that I couldn’t say in person
I just feel like we might have left things off on a bad foot.
You were right about a lot of things. I’m not proud of my actions. I avoided and ignored you. I ran away instead of finding a way to explain. It’s not so simple though, I don’t think you get it. I don’t think you get the days when it’s raining, seeing the water hit my window and drip down, how that reminds me of all the tears I have cried.
Sometimes in a day.
You need to understand. Don’t accuse me of being negligent. Realize that I can’t handle certain things like when you want to introduce me to your family or tell you about mine. I can’t handle spending five hours straight with you out and about.
Let’s go home, watch a movie, eat cookies, and fall asleep.
I can’t handle choosing places to go because I’m indecisive and oh I’m used to being told my ideas are trash, unrealistic and not thought out. Don’t argue with me either. Arguments give me anxiety and I just think you’re going to slap the shit out of me for ‘getting out of line’. I can’t handle a raised voice.
Whisper to me, understand my fears and irrational train of thought.
Bring patience and a bag of Doritos. I learn by acceptance and healing. I should have told you but it’s not that easy to say something that might put me at risk for being loved. The irony is, doing the opposite gave me the same outcome. That’s why I wrote the note. I had to explain. I hope you understand.
If not, that’s cool too…
But I really hope you do. I like you a lot. A lot more than I thought I would when we first met. You were obviously super outgoing and talkative. Maybe I should have left it at that.
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