​Good space
Head space
Happy place
I am there now.
 
Bad space
No space
Scary place
I was there then.
 
Clear mind
Content mind
Optimistic thoughts
I have now
 
Messy mind
Restless mind
Obsessive thoughts
I was there then.
 
I saved myself
From drowning
In a sea
Of compulsion and anxiety and self-degradation
 
No
He saved me.
Him who’s kingdom could never be shaken.
Him who’s patience means salvation.
Him who dragged me out the depths of my mind.
 
So deep I couldn’t see two feet in front me
Murky waters surrounding me
 
Now I can breathe in fresh air
And supply my body, mind, soul, and spirit
With the proper care and nutrients, it lacked so much before.
Thank you, God.
 
Because I was truly lost in a cycle.
Grabbing for control of the world
While lacking Self-control
Or even self-appreciation.
 
Desperately trying to gain favor in the eyes of people who
Weren’t for me, just so I could have a sense of friendship.
To feel like someone cared because I didn’t.
But He does.
And I’ve learned that sometimes that’s all that matters.

​Condescending congestion
Forgetful freedom and a lack of control
Is there anyone out there?
I tried to yell, but no one
I tried to wave my arms, but no one saw.
And you don’t even want to know about the scent, but no one smelled it.
Or they did and didn’t care.

I thought it was something,
But I think I was wrong.
Two dinner plates,
And a bowl of food.


Left in the dark,
To rot and mold,
Like the inside of your body,
Just rotten.


A token used,
A token saved,
A game seen,
A game played.


There’s no such thing as bad luck,
So there’s no such thing as good luck either.
No one is lucky,
No one is lucky.
​

Minds racing, it’s a marathon,
Chasing air for that yellow ribbon
Gold cup.
Win win win
Strive to win but then what do we do?
Losers work to win
Winners are done. Winners work to keep the others at bay.
They do to stop others, always frightened of being kicked out of place
Losers focus on one winner
One winner focuses on all losers.
The first loser, a.k.a second place,
Is only one step close close closer
To snatching #1
So watch out winner
You’re about to lose first.

Wilted
Check your back pocket for the note I left you
There’s a rose on the bottom
A red rose
My signature
Yeah... Um
I just had to get some things off my chest that I couldn’t say in person
I just feel like we might have left things off on a bad foot.
You were right about a lot of things. I’m not proud of my actions. I avoided and ignored you. I ran away instead of finding a way to explain. It’s not so simple though, I don’t think you get it. I don’t think you get the days when it’s raining, seeing the water hit my window and drip down, how that reminds me of all the tears I have cried.
Sometimes in a day.
You need to understand. Don’t accuse me of being negligent. Realize that I can’t handle certain things like when you want to introduce me to your family or tell you about mine. I can’t handle spending five hours straight with you out and about.
Let’s go home, watch a movie, eat cookies, and fall asleep.
I can’t handle choosing places to go because I’m indecisive and oh I’m used to being told my ideas are trash, unrealistic and not thought out. Don’t argue with me either. Arguments give me anxiety and I just think you’re going to slap the shit out of me for ‘getting out of line’. I can’t handle a raised voice.
Whisper to me, understand my fears and irrational train of thought.
Bring patience and a bag of Doritos. I learn by acceptance and healing. I should have told you but it’s not that easy to say something that might put me at risk for being loved. The irony is, doing the opposite gave me the same outcome. That’s why I wrote the note. I had to explain. I hope you understand.
If not, that’s cool too…
But I really hope you do. I like you a lot. A lot more than I thought I would when we first met. You were obviously super outgoing and talkative. Maybe I should have left it at that.
​ Just couldn’t.

​Long gone they say when everyone’s away
Stolen a dream of wonders and rainbows
Slowly, I want you to speak to me with patience and loyalty. With an air of a grace, and a breath of content. Don’t walk off, turn to me and tell me a story. Never leave for too long, never be without us in your thoughts for too long. I want your presence, your smile and laugh. I want your gaze of respect. Make me feel like royalty. Toast to our present. I won’t ask again. Have the integrity to do without asking. Spin me around like a dangerous tornado, like a princess at a ball. I don’t want to be lost, but to be lost with you. Every step you take next to me, like dancing on clouds. Lightning shock of intensified stares. Bare. Vulnerable. Safe. Grazes in places, tingles, tickle my skin.
 
I remember those days. You don’t. I’ll remember for you. They were nice. We were such great friends.

​Sorry it's over. It’s bad. My bad. I'm to blame for staying the same. I couldn't be the change you wanted and needed. I'm sorry I failed your heart. I'm sorry I killed your luck. Sailed off with the wind so you never have to see me again. Drifted out your thoughts.
I hope you're happy.

​She cries to live,
She smiles to give
Lost in the world of
“I’m fine.” When she’s not.
 
Dead inside,
Yet so alive.
Lost in the delusion of
“Everything’s okay.” When it’s not.
 
Others feed off of her light
Leaving her with the darkness.
Lost in the circus mirrors of
“I don’t need help.” When she desperately does.
 
One day she gave it up,
Letting everyone see the real her.
They were lost in the illusion of
“She’s so perfect.” When she wasn’t.   
 
Help a friend or two today.
It’ll make them smile inside.

​You’re amazing, I think we established that already
The clouds part just to shine on your blessed smile
Worth a million bucks that smug look never ceases to make me feel…
There are so many words in the world, words in different languages
But there are none to describe you
How crazy is that
Indescribable
Where is the limit to this?
You have the talented caressed touch of a wildfire
The icy shiny gaze of a crystallite hanging on the ceiling of a cave
A buttery smooth aroma whipping around like a state tornado
Mhm, the tingly exhilarating taste of home sweet home
Can’t forget the breathless whiplash voice slipping out your lips
Being comforted by a storm cloud that showers care and strikes down fears with thundering affirmation
What a storm to be caught in
Don’t mind me weatherman!
This storm’s name is honey, baby, sweet sensational lovely
It’s been a journey with no destination
A never-ending vacation in the Maldives
Why leave when we can sow, sow and then reap.
I seek the peace that radiates from your being
Every moment is special even when we’re just watching TV or clouds pass by
Nothing we do could be boring
Filled with vivid colors and exquisite fabrics from around the globe
We weave the most fashionable dress fashion has ever seen
Together we ride
Together we thrive in this soul sucking world that is ever seeking our color
Smile, smile brighter than any (famine) could bring
Walk with me, we’ll leave our footprints on the highest mountains and deepest oceans
Nothing seems impossible
Limitless
The Grand Canyon could never compare to how vast our love is.
We dove into this headfirst —no brain damage here.
Everything is intact, in fact, everything is stronger than ever.
The more you pull, the tighter we get.

​I choose to be this way.
Alone, quiet, and a bit shy
Sometimes it’s better to be silent
Let your thoughts engulf you into another world
 
No I’m not a loner who doesn’t have friends.
I actually have a lot of friends,
But a few best friends
I like being quiet.
 
Inspecting the world through a new perspective
It’s very comforting.
 
I don’t need parties to be happy,
I don’t need alcohol
I don’t need drugs,
All I need is Silence.
 
So take a moment or two to sit down and just think!
Think your heart out. You will discover SO many things about yourself
That your peers couldn’t tell you.
Take yourself out of the world, and get into your mind.
 
Maybe you’ll find the solution to your problems.
I’m addicted to Silence, and that’s not a bad thing.